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[04 Nov 2007|05:28pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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The Countdown - The Outerspace Politicians |
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"Everything is ok in the end. If it's not ok, then it's not the end."
This is how I'm seeing things at the moment.
Today has been a good day. I wish I had some full throttle but other than that today has been nice. I got some new clothes this morning. I got a nice jacket and a vest. I love vests.
I'm looking forward to school tomorrow. Well I'm not looking forward to Business because it sucks and I dont want to write my work samples and that class just reminds me how much stuff I need to get done, like applications, essays, and letters of recommendation, etc... Oh yeah and I'm not looking forward to the Bio II 2nd half of the term test...
Right now I feel very calm and its nice. The Outerspace Politicians' music is very calming to me I guess...
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[25 Oct 2007|08:32pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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So Much For Sweet Talk |
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Life is obviously amazing these days but I have been finding myself this past week or so becoming very sad or unhappy during ag classes or after school. It is really for no apparent reason and it really doesnt affect me at all it just makes me sad and then I get over it like nothing. I want to be happy all the time but I guess I'm waiting for something to make me happy all the time. I am normally very happy these days but when I get home I just get wicked depressed. I think it has to do with the lack of people around me and having no boys to cling to, which seems to make me very happy. Anyways, keeping busy makes me happy and I'm hoping someday I will meet some new people and become attached to them. I kind of want to make new friends and obviously keep old friends but I want to like get out of the house more and go places, be crazy, do whatever. You know? I want to have as much fun as possible all the time. I really like who I am these days. Like I mean not having Matt in my life makes everything so easy and so much easier to have fun and it is absolutely amazing. So yeah...
Ignoring anything that has to do with college is probably not a good idea but I seem to be doing it anyway...
For once in my life I love who I am and I am very satisfied with who I am.
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[06 Oct 2007|09:41pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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music |
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All Time Low |
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Ok so...
Today was a great day for the most part.
I'm very unhappy that today was the last race of season, because I wish I could have brought people more often. I also wish that it wasnt over so I could talk to the people that go more often because I will either never talk to them again or will have to wait for next season if we are hosting it again... The race track is great. Its amazing. I feel great when I'm there even though I'm almost always tired. Scoring is great. I dont know what it is about it but it makes me brain happy.
So anyways...
I think I'll talk about the people that came today. It was a good sized crowd, not huge and not small. 3 pocketbike racers and 12 mini motard racers. Mark and Joey came this time, they had missed out on last week because Joey was racing in Alabama and obviously his dad went with him. Other usual people came like Dane, Eddie and his wife, Eldren aka Forest, Vinny, Tucker, etc.
Now more about the boys that came today. For once there were boys that were high school aged that werent Joey because hes just 14, a great and funny kid, but small and childish. I would have guessed he was 12 instead of 14 but he insists that hes 14 and I enjoy picking on him. There were like several 16 year old boys at the track today. Tucker, the pocketbike racer, who I dont talk to because hes quite annoying. A relatively attractive boy named Jimmy who was Jim's son. I hadnt met Jimmy before but apparently he had raced before and I have seen/met his dad before though. He was quite attractive, what I find attractive. He was very very tall, probably 6 5, wicked skinny, with slight muscling, longish brown hair, and his face was cute. He brought his friend Craig with him at least I think that is what he wrote on the waiver. Then there was Aaron. Who is probably one of the most attractive boys I have ever seen. He is the main reason I wish the season wasnt over yet... He was tall, no where near as tall as Jimmy but tall, skinny, had shortish light brown or blonde hair that was just long enough to see the wave in it, he wore a hat most of the time, and we spent most of the day exchanging smiles, which was nice.
I spent most of the day trying to get Jimmy to talk to me because he is from MA and quite attractive, but I dont think we ever said a word. I would give him a slight look and smile but he wouldnt notice which was fine. things wouldnt work out between us anyway... just kidding I dont know but It was fine. I desided to be slightly stalkerish and go write down his phone number out of the rider registration book but I continued on the lose that paper. Oh well can you say not meant to be. He took off his shirt alot and would talk to his friend alot who was told by Jimmy's father to take pictures of the races.
The other half of the day that wasnt spent of trying to attract Jimmy was spent on scoring. But in between scoring and races and stuff and before the races, I would exchange smiles with Aaron. His dad, Forest, whose real name is Eldren and he hates that so we are supposed to call him Forest, is a great guy. I remember seeing him last weekend he said his son couldnt come because he had to work. A job? thats good. Aaron even paid for his races which is respectable. I was in the registration booth for the most part of the morning so I got to scope out these people. They are from Standish, ME, which is obviously too far away but I still wish I could at least have a real conversation with him... He is a funny kid. I think he just wanted to talk to me for some reason because I was in the booth with my mom and he comes up twice and says something that I dont remember first and later comes back and tells me how he forgot his helmet, which was a dumb move and then he has to borrow his dads. My mom suggests asking around if other people have spares but he doesnt. During one of the races, Aaron crashes or something, his seat and rear fender fall off. which was funny but not at the same time. He was to quit the race and me and my brother laugh at him after the race when he goes back out to pick up the pieces. He tells my dad he can fix it and I jokingly ask "are you sure?!" and laugh he smiles. At the end of the day races over standing around talking to Dane, Joey, Evan, and Mark, Forest and Aaron walk up and thank me and my brother shake hands with the others and Aaron looks at me like he wants to say something to me. I of course just smile and wish he would but he doesnt and I say bye to them as they walk away. Still they dont leave they stay longer talking I try to find ways to go walk by their truck without actaully walking right up and talking to him because I'm a wimp. We exchange smiles more. I walk by with Rozwell, he says aww cute dog quietly, I should have said something... Then they start to leave and they both say bye and I say bye and wave. AND thats it. I feel so dumb for not acting on something... Oh well... maybe he will come back in the spring when the new season starts. I hope so. Or maybe I'll look for him on facebook and myspace. or call him up because his number is in the registration book.
I feel so stupid for being obsessive over something that was pretty much nothing. but he was one really attractive boy, that was really nice to me, by not ignoring me and smiling alot.
Happiness and Stupidity go together very well at the moment.
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[27 Sep 2007|08:16pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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music |
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"Vegas" - All Time Low |
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*sigh*
I'm pissed off now, but I have tons of other things to be happy about. My mother said no about the concert on monday because she has to deal with everything this weekend that is extremely busy. I think I'll try to convince her anyway but I know it wont work. I really got my hopes up for this one, which is the reason I'm pissed.
So to revise my weekend.
Friday: School, Cross Country Practice, Beth is following me home and sleeping over, my brother is still going to show me all the paintball stuff, and I might consider going back to school for the dance.
Saturday: Beth will already be at my house so we will go to the bank so I can get money then go to Upton to play paintball with Pepper and his friends. Then we will come back to my house, Beth will leave and Antoinette and Laura will come over after Fall Fair and sleepover.
Sunday: Off to Route 106 Racepark in New Hampshire with Laura, Antoinette and my family. We will be there for awhile from like morning till like 6 or something, then we'll be back at my house and they can hang out if they want or we can go to movies like I want to. Then homework when they leave.
Yep. I'm excited yet nervous (about paintballing mainly). and unhappy about not getting to go to see All Time Low on monday....
But I'm sure this weekend will be fun.
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[26 Sep 2007|07:38pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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music |
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All Time Low's new album!!!! yes! |
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I'm wicked excited for this weekend.
Friday Night: My brother is coming home to show me how to use his paintball gun and giving me paintballing stuff
Saturday: Beth is coming over then we are leaving to go paintballing with Pepper and his friends. Then we will come back to my house. Beth will go home and Antoinette and Laura will come over after Fall Fair and sleep over.
Sunday: Antoinette, Laura, and I will be going to NH to go to the race at like 8 in the morning. I will race and score and they will watch and hang out and stuff. Then we will come home and they will leave or hang out and do homework or something. Then they will leave.
Monday: I am trying to get my mother to let me go to the Boys Like Girls and All Time Low show in Providence at like 6. So if you wanna come let me know I can buy tickets then we can go because I can only go if people come with me.
I really really wanna go to that show even though its on a Monday night. That just makes it better in my mind. Staying out late on a Monday is awesome and I should have a study the next day so it doesnt matter.
So excitement is the word.
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[21 Sep 2007|08:19pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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nothing |
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So school was alright today. I dont remember much but cross country was fun like aways. We went to Upper Cape Tech. We won. Both boys and girls. Also while we were there, there was a boys soccer game going on and I noticed that the other team was blue and yellow but wasnt our school so I figured it was Tri-County and it was. So at the end of the race, the game had just gotten over and I was thinking the whole time maybe Sean is there. He was. When he walked by to go to his bus we said hey and he was depressed because he didnt get to play so he was kinda rude and didnt stop to talk or give me a hug or anything. But I guess its alright he was unhappy about not playing. Oh well. I realized on the bus ride home that I dont have a crush on that boy anymore, which kinda makes me happy. I love cross country its always so fun, especially the bus rides. I just love it.
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[18 Sep 2007|09:19pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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Revved & Ready by The Bigger LIghts |
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So I was thinking that it was annoying to be friends with a band on myspace because if you ever comment you get a million other bands that want you to be their friends. But today after 2 seconds of commenting on all time low's myspace a band called the bigger lights messaged me and they are pretty good and I found a website to download their music since you cant on their myspace and they dont have an album out. only 3 songs but I like them all.
My favorite being:
WHEN DID WE LOSE OURSELVES
so young to seem such a mess
dead shy and scared half to death (of the rest)
set sail from shores of innocence
for data banks and fashion friends
we don't know what we've become
and we're freaking out
when did we lose ourselves?
when did we lose ourselves?
love forgive what we've become
cause we need you now
so we can save ourselves
so we can save ourselves
transcend the trend of proofs and pills
to numb the life that you have built (and you have spilt)
breed life to fill the void inside
and teach them all to stand in line (and fall behind)
we don't know what we've become
and we're freaking out
when did we lose ourselves?
when did we lose ourselves?
love forgive what we've become
cause we need you now
so we can save ourselves
so we can save ourselves
Therefore after a horrible school day and a pretty happy xc meet and a good bus ride, I'm quite happy and excited to listen to the bigger lights mixed with all time low and every avenue tomorrow morning.
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[17 Sep 2007|09:27pm] |
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I feel like complete crap. I dont get anything out of this. I would kill for the drama some other people have but I guess I should be happy with what I've got, which isnt much. I give up. I'm not going to bother with that boy anymore. I'll wait to meet boys during some other event or be introduced by some one or something. A completely fine conversation went from very happy, to angry and regretful, to very depressed. well for me anyway.
The word I would describe me as for a while is: pissed.
I really think I need to find a boy soon because otherwise I'm going to explode because I only open and share my emotions with boys (and i guess this livejournal...). And a shoulder to cry on would really be nice right now.
Anger...
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[17 Sep 2007|09:23pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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the girls a strightup hustler |
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I give up. I have completely given up for now. I'm waiting to get my mind changed...
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[16 Sep 2007|09:17pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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nothing. |
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I just talked to Matt on AIM. wierd, right?
On a completely different note...
Its hard to have a crush on someone that knows you have a crush on them and they dont like you the same way you like them and you see them all the time.
I really cant keep getting my hopes up on things because lately I've been getting let down alot.
On another completely different note...
I need to buy rabbit stuff. Tuna is due Oct. 3 and I need special feed, hay, and a light bulb.
Also I need to buy another ticket to the BLG/ATL show so me and Beth can take someone else with us.
And All Time Low's new album comes out on sept. 25 and I need to buy that too.
Reading english homework out of the stupid giant red book... I hate pilgrims...
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[16 Sep 2007|08:19pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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music |
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nothing out loud... every avenue in my head |
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Bulletin boards.
I have three bulletin boards in my room I will now list what is on them…
• Postcard from the national zoo with a baby elephant on it
• 7 little paper parasol things
• 2 paper flower things
• A big fake pink daisy
• Simmental bumper sticker
• A colored in photocopy of a butterfly I drew
• Origami cat face
• A picture of morning activities drawn by Antoinette
• My tickets (2 at the moment) to the Boys Like Girls, All Time Low, The Audition, Valencia show in Nov.
• 2 lists of things to do
• Plastic bag that says “IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: OPEN BAG; DENT CAR” with a tennis ball inside (from a funny time a long time ago)
• A piece of paper from a calendar that talks about bungee cords from Laura
• Picture of Laura, me, Amanda and Brittani dressed up in hippie skirts and high heels running toward a palm tree in Florida
• Homestar Runner bumper sticker
• Origami fish
• Picture of me and Roo
• A creepy Garfield cardboard thing
• Kid’s Day key chain
• 2nd place dog show ribbon for costume class
• A dried rose from a long time ago
• Lime green bag with drawings on it from Laura from Florida gifts
• Toby Keith poster thing
• Little giraffe thing
• 2 first place cow show ribbons
• 1 second place cow show ribbon
• 3 third place cow show ribbons
• 1 pink fourth place cow show ribbon
• A pastel picture I made of sponge bob from the 7th grade
• Little tapestry thing with some jungle animals on it
• The letter that would go on a letterman’s jacket
• A bouquet of dried yellow roses from freshman year sports banquet
• A drawing of Master Shake from Aqua teen hunger force (frylock and meatwad fell off)
• A picture of The Cheat
• Danger Keep Out sign
• Origami fox head
• Picture of Laura, Andrew, Peter, and Antoinette at the Aquarium
• “I am the feedinator” button (girl scouts)
• Picture of me, Laura, Amanda, and Brittani dressed up in front of a palm tree in Florida
• Picture of me, Bobby, Brittani, Amanda, Laura, Andrew, Matt.zeb, and Sean at the ice skating rink freshman year
• Novelty postcard with Lancey the purple cow
• Keith Urban coaster
• A duck tour sticker from 8th grade
• Picture of me and matt from too long ago
• Picture of Laura, Andrew, Matt.zeb, and Bobby on Matt.zeb’s couch
• Picture of me and Jennie
• Picture of me, Matt.zeb, Laura and Andrew wearing crazy hats in a department store
• Drawing by Matt of a “leprechaun or Bobby in 30 years”
I should really get rid of some of these things put up some new stuff.
I enjoy looking at all that stuff and realizing all the crap on my walls.
I love my bulletin boards.
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[04 Sep 2007|11:18pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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An All Time Low and Every Avenue playlist |
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I'm tired. I worked today and I was tired all day and I have no clue why I am awake. Its not horribly late but for working 7:30 to 4 it is...
I have lots of things to do tomorrow. Meaning I have a lot of nails to clip tomorrow. Two Dogs. One Cat. And two Rabbits.
I also have like 100 pages of Hitchhiker's Guide to read. Which I want to get done tomorrow.
Cross Country practice tomorrow too at 2:30. Its so wierd to run but I like although I'm horrible. It makes me feel better and I have tons of fun hanging out with those kids. I think being the Ranager is best for me. Running when I want and managing when I dont.
I'm very excited for school to start and I can't comprehend how close it is. I want to see people and have good teachers and play with the animals during school time and not work.
Right now I have faith that some how I will find boys to talk to but I have no idea how its going to happen. I'll just have to ask people to tell people to talk to me. I think my social life will be better once school starts although I'm going to be uber busy.
I think I have decided not to take the SAT again. My score was not great but I really cant stress over the test again. I'm not going to kid myself and say I'll study which I'm not going to so I'll stick with what I've got. I'm dont want to go to a college that expects perfection anyway. I'm either in the high range or way higher than what they say they are looking for so I'm not going to worry.
At the moment I'm going to forget anything about college and that crap because I dont want to think about it right now. My mood is too good.
I think I need to sleep...
The thoughts passing through my head before I sleep:
-The Very Attractive boys of All Time Low
-The Boys Like Girls Show in Nov.
-XC
-Baby rabbits
-How I wish my cat would get off my bed
-Why can't I sleep... sleeping, one of the many things I'm not good at but love.
-What am I going to wear to that show?!
-How my toe still hurts but I'm going to run anyway
-I need to remember those papers for XC
-I wish I had lots of money on a VISA gift card
-Trying to find a good TV show to sleep to
-Singing All Time Low songs because I love them...
-That might be about it for tonight...
I plan to use my LJ alot more again... I'm not sure I ever used it alot but I might now...
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[03 Sep 2007|08:58pm] |
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mood |
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alright |
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music |
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The Girls a Straight-Up Hustler by All Time Low |
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That sounds about right.
Lately my life either seems horrible or wonderful.
I tend to be alone alot. I'd like to talk to people but they arent around or I dont really have anyone to talk to... I'd like to meet some new people but I haven't a clue how and I really cant go anywhere so I'm waiting for someone to introduce me to someone cool. Mainly boys. I dont much like talking to girls only the ones I know already.
When I'm in a good mood I'm with people or I'm excited about something.
I guess I shouldnt be left alone. I need people to talk to.
Well of course I'd like to meet a relatively attractive, single, straight boy thats between 16 and 18... but ya know... some day...
Some how thinking that I will meet boys to talk to makes me very happy.
I started this entry angry and now I'm quite happy.
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[11 Jul 2007|11:41pm] |
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mood |
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heartbroken |
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music |
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nothing... |
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Today is probably the worst day of my life.
Today I found Milo my rabbit flopped on his side in his cage like he does when it is hot out but when I tried to get him to eat a treat he tryed to get up but he was not able. I thought maybe he had broken his back or something like that. So I made my mother call the vet while I was hysterically crying. We got there and the veterinarian told us about what could be going wrong. We let them take Milo for the afternoon to get a chest X-ray, fluids, and some blood tests. When my mom got the call around 3 o clock, I was feeling better about the situation. It turns out that one of Milo's lungs was partially collapsed and they saw a mass which was probably cancer. He also had fluid in his abdomen and the struggling to stand up was him actually have seizures. I made the choice to have him euthanized. I didnt want to bring him home and watch him suffer and I didnt want to see him suffering any longer so I chose not to see him before he was put down. Milo had had a bad eye infection several months before and never quite recovered fully.
I am having a really hard time...
In the last eight months I have lost two of the loves of my life to cancer. On December 1st of 2006 we put my 8 year old Golden Retriever down after her struggle with fluid in her lungs and swollen liver with possible liver cancer and now on July 11th of 2007(3 days after my 17th birthday) I had my 2 year old Flemish Giant rabbit put down because of seizures, a partially collapsed lung and possible lung cancer.
Hunny was the first dog I ever owned. I had begged my parents for years for a dog and when I was eight I finally got one. She was sweet and gentle. She was just the best.
Milo was an early Valentines Day present from my boyfriend. He was a great rabbit and my first of three. He was just beautiful and I loved him so much.
Both of their lives were cut short by way too many years. I miss them terribly.
I really dont know what to do with myself right now.
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| LIFE |
[27 Feb 2007|05:10pm] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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Mass Pike - The Get Up Kids |
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What life is:
Hard
Time consuming
Awake
Happy
A game
Love-filled
Fun
Horrible
A boardgame
Busy
Music-filled
Funny
Sad
Sleepy
Disapointing to others
Really really difficult
And many other things...
I think I'll add to this list some other time...
I think my list contradicts itself alot but I guess life does that...
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[31 Dec 2006|05:52pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
] |
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music |
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Law and Order Theme song |
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For anyone that reads this I know I probably haven't told you something. I have only told two of my friends this. but I need people to know because it is really hard to just say. We had to put my dog Hunny down on dec. 1st. It has been really hard on me. just thinking about dogs or seeing people with their dogs just choke me up. So please dont say anything to me about my dog it will just make me cry and I am sick of crying because I have cryed everyday since. When it finally stops hurting so bad I will talk about and maybe hopefully get a new dog so I have a dog for the dog class I'm taking next semester. I'm mainly writing this for Laura because it is just so hard to tell her. OK thanks for reading.
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[21 May 2006|10:08am] |
yeah...
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| The Life. |
[08 May 2006|05:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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cheerful |
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music |
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stupid commercials on the radio |
] |
Yup. so life happens to be quite good.
Today is No Socks Day and I didn't wear socks of course, and several people asked me where I found out it was No Socks Day and why. So I will tell you now if you didn't already find out. I found a website that has like a holiday-ish thing for almost everyday of the year.
Tomorrow is Lost Sock Memorial Day and National Teacher's Day. I was thinking about making cards or something for my teachers but I will probably forget or deside I'm too lazy to do such a thing.
So this friday I am to be confirmed into the catholic faith along with many other 10th graders in Plainville. I really could care less about being confirmed, it really does nothing for me but oh well.
Thinking of Confirmation, last night I had to go to church and like I completely forgot about it untill my mom was like go call your grandmother and see if she is on the way and eat something now if you want dinner tonight. Then I remembered we had rehearsal.
Yeah. So yesterday was a nice day. I spent most of my time on the phone of course. I also sat on the porch roof for a while too. I enjoy doing that. Its a great time climbing out the bathroom window onto an extremely hot roof. After yesterday I guess I have really realized I am very "young". I guess I'm still very child-like and I see no problem with that untill I get told by someone of very close age to mine tells me I am very young. I guess I'll try to change because I don't want to lose this person.
Also yesterday I took 5 billion and a half pictures of myself on my camera. Matty P asked me to take a picture of myself and put it on his myspace. So I did. It took a few trys and some effort, but I did it.
Saturday Matty P came over and we went to the mall like it seems we do every weekend. I got some jewelry to go with my semi dress and Matty P got the white sunglasses he had been wanting for a while now.
Ok now back to the present, actually not really.
Back to earlier today. This morning I get off the bus, of which was driven by the imfamous "Googley Eyes", And theres Kiwi. I go up to her and say "Happy No Socks Day!" and spot Mrs. Cavanagh and see she is wearing sandal like shoes and yell to her "Happy No Socks Day!" so then Kiwi, Antoinette and I talk to Mrs. Cavanagh for a while till we had to go to class. yup. I remember little of today. I remember this morning at school and the bus ride and the walk home, but thats about it.
I've realized Kiwi and I sit together on the bus almost everyday now. Random. Whatever. We are such a cute couple. Dont ask if you dont know...
Yup.
Kiwi meantioned in a comment on my last entry about pictures? so Kiwi would you like me to put pictures on my LJ entries? or what? and if so how? is there an easy way. or maybe I'll just try... or maybe not...
ok I'm so done.
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[01 May 2006|07:44pm] |
yeah... i really am love.
he is also love.
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| Hi There. |
[20 Apr 2006|07:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
] |
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music |
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the music on saved by the bell |
] |
Yeah I know I'm finally updating... its been a while I know...
ok so this morning I woke up at 3:30, got out of bed at 4:30, then I stumbled down stairs, wrapped in a blanket of course, and fixed myself a bowl of apple jacks, grabbed a poptart and a water bottle and trundled back upstairs...
Then I sat watching whatever I could on tv, which ended up being animal cops and other random stuff and cant even remember...
OH MAN! its def. 7:30 *runs away*
*runs back*
sorry I had to turn on saved by the bell. yay! I like being home on weekdays in the morning so I can watch saved by the bell for 2 hours and watch the price is right at 11.
Ok so the last time I updated I was talking about how Matty P was going to buy me a rabbit. He did. and my rabbit's name is Milo or Thunder Pants as my mother sometimes refers to him. He has gained some weight since I got him and has become friendly-er I guess.
Yesterday Matty P came over and we went to the mall so I could go dress shopping for the semi and I found I dress I guess I liked but I dont know... but I'm gonna go back and see if they can get it in a bigger size for me. Also while in the mall I had to go and torture myself and go in the pet store and see the wickedly cute puppies that make me cry... and of course I did... this time the puppy that made me cry was a little black and tan corgi puppy... it was the most adorable thing ever...
Yup I think I'm done updating for now...
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